The Joy of Home Repair.

Note to self:

Next time I lay down on the floor with my head right next to the toilet so that I may remove the toilet seat bolt that has fused in place (and in the process demonstrating the effectiveness of proper tool choice and leverage) please, please let me remember to sit up before said bolt is pulled out raining toilet dust of unknown origin all over my face. There just isn't a shower long or hot enough to wash away the ick factor.

Why I Get Out Of Bed In The Morning

I walk in to work to grab a parking pass, I haven't even parked my car in the lot, and my coworker stops me.

Him: "So what do you call this, what you're wearing..." (gesturing at me) "...pants and a skirt?"
Me: "Umm, pants, a dress, and a shirt?"
Him: "Well...It looks...comfortable."
(Note the implied insult. I turn to see we have an audience of coworkers.)
Me: "Ok...well thanks for that."

(And to think, that same outfit got me hit on at Salvation Army the week before, dude told me the pants and skirt combo was hot, granted, he did seem quite crazy.)

then my boss chimes in: "And what's wrong with your lip?"
Me: "Oh, I didn't realize it was Critique Sasha's Appearance Day, good to know."

They are 2 and 4. What's Your Excuse?

A women gave me a talking-to on the plane last night because my children were talking. Not fussing, not kicking the back of her seat (and don't think I didn't will them to do it later in the flight!), or even being cranky or over excited. Just talking too loudly, which they were not even doing, I couldn't properly hear my four year old two seats away. I think they were just talking too much for her taste.

Yes, they do have those sharp little voices, and they were right next to her ears, but really, that was before it hit the fan and they got tired and a bit fussy. And here she was looking over her shoulder, taking off her headphones to check how loud they were (umm, we're interfering with your TV enjoyment? How about just increase the volume?) and turning around to shush them.

After my husband took the girls off the plane I was ready to ask if anyone had nail clippers I could borrow to hack the seatbelts apart since my hand was grated raw from trying to reach inside of the car seats and unclip them. And then another passenger came up to commend my exemplary parenting and compliment me on my children, and I got some help with the car seats from a flight attendant that was very nice and told me she was well aware and sorry for how we had been treated.

So there she was again in Baggage Claim. I am not confrontational but it had to be said, especially in front of her family that came to pick her up.

Me: "Excuse me, you might like to know that I got an apology from a member of the flight crew for your rudeness, and I just wanted you to know that I am not the only one that thinks my children behaved well and you behaved badly."

Dude (number 2)

To the big scary crazy (and possibly drunk) dude that came pounding on my door holding something you ripped out of my garden (something I was admiring earlier that day in fact), asking can you have it. Well, it looks like you already helped yourself, so what am I supposed to say? Take it and get the hell off my property.

Eww.

I was walking with my girls to catch the bus home yesterday and my foot accidentally kicked a used tampon. Did you get that? A used tampon. In the middle of the sidewalk. So I did what anyone would do, I went home and threw away my shoes.

Dude.

Dude, I’m sorry that you were scared and cold and too wasted to know where you were, much less how to get home, but knocking on my door at 3am isn’t going to get a lot of sympathy. Now if you were a 2 year old having a nightmare about crabs pinching you at that hour, then I’d cut you some slack. You are lucky that my husband is kinder than I am and called you a cab. Thanks for not barfing on the porch.